Splitting Open

Oy, I'm feeling sort of "split open at the seams" lately.  Definitely frayed.

There are times where I think to myself "Well, it's all come together."  I look about and the dishes are clean, the fridge has been cleaned out and there is a satisfactory amount of new/clean food inside it, meals are relatively thought out and ready to be prepared.  on time.  The children are fed/clean (relatively)/dressed (relatively)/playing happily.  The work on my desk is respectable and manageable.  My to-do lists are looking actually "do-able", and not crazily run-amuck.  

Life seems put together.  

Like the stars have aligned and everything's right with my universe.


This is not one of those days/weeks/possibly months.   If one of you readers could please just let me know, I'm a Sagittarius (if you're curious) - is there something wrong in the alignment of my planets, the stars, my aura possibly... ?

Because I have a million things on my mind, a million things on my plate.  Can't focus, can't even pay attention long enough to read more than a paragraph of something.  I walk in a certain direction and then forget where I was walking to before I've made it to my destination.  I throw laundry into the wash, and then before adding soap I find myself suddenly in an upstairs bedroom (I probably in retrospect walked up there for more laundry) sorting books back onto a child's bookshelf, and then before I know it, there I am standing in the kitchen holding a pile of dishes I found in the living room, and lI'm ooking at the sink, trying to remember where I might have hidden the dish soap and why on earth it isn't right beside the sink where it's always been.  forever.

And I remember, there is nothing planned for dinner, and there is probably no way on earth to finish the tasks I have set for myself to complete today, and furthermore, when was the last time I showered?  Did I do that today?  Because I cannot remember.

So, where have I been?  where am I now?  Who knows - these are questions I'll have to ask myself later.  

Because right now -

I'm busy flying into bits and pieces. 

But I'm trying to keeps my wits about me (what few seem to be left) and remember that it's all ups and downs.  The pieces of my life will sometimes arrange themselves in a nice neat order, and they will sometimes lie in a jumbled mess on the floor. 

This is life with a family.  Life with cats, and skunks that stop by for a visit, life with boys, and dirt and sand, life with other human beings, who wear clothes and get them dirty, who read books and make artwork and leave out the glitter and glue for others to attend to (I don't mind.  truly.  Let them have glitter!)  Life with a husband who works so hard!  and cares so much about all of us!  and who very frequently sees a big picture (but not a big mess)

Life is really and awesomely so good.

Even when it's an utter and complete mess. 

And even when I'm scattered here into bits and pieces.